Crystal Renn: Confessions of a Plus-Size Model
Plus-size model Crystal Renn talks to BettyConfidential about her new book, Hungry, and being happy with her body in a world fixated on thin
-April Daniels Hussar
I have loved the photo in the Breast Cancer Research Foundation PSA ever since I first saw it – the woman pictured looks both glamorous and relatable; both real and beautiful. The image, it must be said, reminds me of so many other surviving models – Her curves are one in a million and it’s hard to believe that this emblem of female beauty, worthiness and health was once a starving, miserable young woman, literally risking her life for the dream of being skinny enough to be photographed.
Crystal Renn, the woman in the PSA, has a story that in many ways can be told in pictures, and she offers an album of them in her new book, Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition, and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves (written with Marjorie Ingall). Some are described in words, to be seen in the mind’s eye, like the vision of a little girl blithely searching for Easter eggs, blissfully confident in her world and in her self. And others are shared in print – an adorable pre-teen fiercely demonstrating a martial arts move; a vivacious cheerleader with a mass of auburn hair. Right about there, though, the pictures suddenly start to change, as the girl in the photos get skinnier and skinnier, and her effervescent smile wastes away into a vacant, hollow-eyed look.
Hungry is the story of one girl’s journey from age 14 to 22, during which time she was “discovered” by a top modeling scout, lost more than a third of her body weight, and moved to New York to be a model but almost died instead. Anorexia and exercise bulimia (eight hours split between two gyms every Saturday and Sunday – for starters), hair loss, heart palpitations, diet drugs and blackouts … more and more disturbing pictures of a girl lost. Thankfully, it’s also the journey of recovery – this is where the pictures start to regain their former joy, as her body fills back out, her health returns and so does her spark, and her beauty – and, ultimately, triumph. For Crystal Renn has become the success she always dreamed about, but on her own terms, in her own, gorgeous body.
That photo of the stunning woman in the yellow dress above? That’s the image that launched Crystal Renn’s “plus-size” career – it was shot by famed photographer Steven Meisel for the April 2004 issue of American Vogue, not too long after Crystal made the decision to save her own life, to stop trying to starve herself into the impossibly skinny jeans of a “straight-size” model. Since then, there have been countless other triumphs, including magazine covers, more Vogue appearances, walking the finale on Jean Paul Gaultier’s runway with the famed designer himself, and an incredibly sexy Dolce & Gabbana ad campaign.
“Coming of age in America today, for girls especially, commonly involves turning on your own body.”
- Hungry
Some statistics from Crystal’s book:
• In 1995, 34 percent of high school girls thought they were overweight; today 90 percent do.
• 25 years ago average model weighed 8 percent less than the average American woman. Today, models weigh about 23 percent less. And are 5 inches taller.
• Today, 42 percent of first- to third-grader girls want to be thinner, while 81 percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of getting fat.
These are words that strike terror into my heart as I think about my own little girl, who, at the ripe old age of 6, is already on the very cusp of this danger zone. But in a world obsessed with thin, Crystal Renn’s story offers a picture of hope, photographic evidence that being yourself – truly embracing yourself – is the way to a life that is a dream come true.
Here’s what Crystal had to say:
Despite an unusual family background [Crystal was raised by her maternal grandmother, whom she calls Mom] you had positive role models growing up, yet you still you fell prey to anorexia. What advice would you give to mothers of young girls?
Play up their personalities, as opposed to focusing on their looks. And don’t make a big deal about food – what they’re putting in their mouths. It’s one thing to encourage them to eat organic and healthy, it’s another to say, “oh, be careful of the weight” – avoid that at all costs. If your daughter’s something of a perfectionist, or shows signs of obsessive behavior, take particular care about how you refer to food. Food is fuel. Labeling it “bad” and “good” is not a good direction to go in.
Does the label "plus-size" bother you?
The word plus is kind of gross. I’ve gotten kind of used to it now. People need labels; they need a title. However my feeling is “plus what?” Plus a zero? That’s a “plus?” It’s just ridiculous. My size is average. I’m 5’9” and a size 12/14. I don’t think there’s anything different or strange about being that size. All styles – even designers – should go up to 16 or 18 at least.
What did you think of the reaction to the photo of Lizzie Miller in Glamour? Would you pose like that?
I think she looks beautiful. Anybody who sits like that has that. I’ve done nude pictures like that where that’s been showcased. And there’s been a roll. Everyone has a roll if they bend over with their elbows on their knees. I think people don’t expect that in magazines, so that’s why there was so much hoopla over it. But Glamour has always been body positive. When I was a straight size model, the Glamour people were the only ones in the industry who called my agency and said, “We think there’s something wrong with her.”
Do you ever feel like you’re just a token?
Well, I hope not. There should be a variety of shapes and sizes – hair color and skin color too – it shouldn’t be just about so-called straight sizes and plus-sizes. Any woman who looks at the magazines should feel like she can have a slice of the fantasy.
Do you ever feel uncomfortable when you’re standing next to size 0 and 2 models?
No. I don’t think of myself as any different from them. The only time I ever get really uncomfortable is when I can clearly see someone is not naturally thin – when there’s clearly a huge problem. That’s what makes me uncomfortable – I can see the pain they’re in, because I was there.
Do you ever still have moments where you feel bad about your body?
Well, I’m a human being, sure! I have to say, there are very few moments, though – and the reason for that is I have learned to focus on my positives. When you’re having those bad days … sure I could look in the mirror and be like oh my gosh, this zit … I’m having such a bad day …Well, what about my great hair day? I’m feeling confident in other parts of my life, why not focus on that? Once you start to do that when you have those bad days, I find that your mindset really starts to change, and can possibly change permanently. That’s what I’ve done in my life.
Other anorexic models like Ana Carolina Reston have died, how did you pull yourself out of that downhill spiral?
I think what helped me get over my eating disorder is what caused it in the first place. I was 14, living in the middle of nowhere and someone gave me an opportunity, and I decided to take it, to change my life, to do whatever it took to accomplish my goal. When that goal [of being a successful model] was no longer possible because my body wasn’t working and I was miserable and I couldn’t connect with the camera and everything was falling apart, I still had the goal. I thought, "I’m tired of doing this to my body. I’m a negative role model. I’m destroying myself. What do I do now?" I took the same mindset I had at 14 and I focused it with a new passion. I channeled that into getting a new mindset, into getting healthy and recovering. I still had the goal. I still wanted to do Vogue; I still wanted to do the runway and work with all designers. I never changed the goal, I just changed the path.
Your story is so inspiring to any person with a goal, a dream.
That’s what I want to tell women. We’ve come so far, and I think what’s holding us back is lack of confidence and self-hatred. The best way to accomplish your dream is lose the self-hatred and gain confidence. Be proud of who you are. A lot of women say, WHEN I LOSE THE WEIGHT I’m going to travel, I’m going to have a great relationship, be great at work … Stop that! That’s ridiculous! Go out – embrace what you are – bring it to the world! Be an individual, and that’s when you’ll start accomplishing things.
You’re married now – did you husband know you before you got healthy?
No – I was definitely not in a place to meet anyone then, or to have a relationship. He never knew me as an anorexic.
What did he think when he saw photos of the skinnier you?
He was definitely disturbed, but there was also a huge disconnect. It was like looking at a different person.
How do you deal with the scrutiny of life in the spotlight? Does it ever get to you?
I try not to read too much in blogs; they can be vicious. I’ll be honest, I went on a couple of blogs, and someone wrote some really nasty comments. I remember sitting there just looking at the screen and wanting to cry. Confident or not, you’re never prepared for the biting and sharp words that you read … when someone writes “vomit.” Then I have to think about it – this person doesn’t know me, and I can’t take that personally. They probably don’t know the harm that they cause. Yeah sure, it hurts.
What's your go-to outfit?
The designer Isabel Toledo does amazing outfits, amazing shapes, and she goes up to a size 14. If I ever have an event or something really big I go out and get her clothes. I’m a huge fan of black – it’s my favorite color – it’s a chic, go anywhere color.
Best piece of fashion advice?
Look at your body, look at who you are and how you want to express yourself. This is your chance to be the artist for the day. Look at your positives and showcase them. Most people cannot buy a Picasso – here’s your moment every day to create art!
This Is what you do and How you look when you are Bulimic!
And this Is your Complete look when you're Anorexic!
